By Abdulwasi’i Ilyas
We all have our differences
There are good, ugly and bad people. Who doesn’t know that no two men or women are exactly the same. We are unique in our own ways and differ from each other in one way or the other. Ask Einstein what he meant by the term “variation”.
A battle of the sexes rages unabated. “All men are dogs”? you hear. Your male parent and siblings inclusive? so you where sired by a dog? I ask. I will take it that you were probably just frustrated with multiple failed attempts at the Cinderella fairy-tale or the disappointment of that happy-ever-after dream that never was. so you didn’t meant all of that hogwash.
For that reason, you resorted to making such atrocious and bawdy remarks of the sex you are most likely going to end up spending a sizable chunk of their paycheck in your life time. The heat and pains of your previous heartbreaks will eventually dissipates and you will decide to give love another chance.
Atonement for your sinister comments even as a mere apology to the male folk in the secrecy of your thoughts might suffice. Most of the men you will encounter won’t even bother about that past of yours anyway.
Learning about relationships and by extension the opposite sex carries the day
Most of us, whom through one way or the other find our ways into the science class, had a certain prejudiced notion that we were either more talented and endowed than our contemporaries in arts and commercial classes. We were further led into the delusion, that those in other fields took the back seat to us in the train of life and success.
More years and experience exposed that notion for what it truly was; a fallacy.
A case in point is that of a man with a thriving career and at the top of the corporate ladder but chronically finds the demeanor of the women in his life completely elusive and consequently unable to savor the accompanying delight from having women around him.
It is thus common to find shakers and movers in the business and corporate world in messy and nasty marital crisis.
Considering that every craft serves its own unique purpose in society, the debate of which profession is better than the other is therefore, uncalled for. Although the STEM (science, technology, engineering and Mathematics) fields have been proven to offer more lucrative careers than others, someone still must occupy the other positions in the natural order.
Just as proficiency in any endeavor requires practice and the time to get it right, understanding and living smoothly with the women folk is no exception. The argument thus goes that majority of the conflicts and arguments encountered in the home front could be evaded with a certain measure of knowledge and foresight.
This is not to lay claim to the possibility of a marriage or relationship with a 100% percent conflict-proof, but to simply draw attention to the fact that in a relationship the pleasurable moments should trump all else.
The unfair advantage of emotional intelligence
Women are said to be more naturally endowed with emotional intelligence and to possess an acute grasp of matters of the heart than their males. While men on the one hand are busy hanging out with the “boys” discussing business, politics and sports, women consistently converge to rub minds and share ideas on issues ranging from culinary skills, kids academic performance, to their men’s respective career performances and even gossip about bed time capabilities on the other.
In the same vein, by virtue of the emotional support women garner from their expansive cycle of family and friends, they tend to muster sufficient strength to overcome and subdue emotional trauma in times of heartbreak or most precisely divorce and separation.
Going by this, the ladies are at a pole position and naturally a few steps ahead of their male counterparts. when it comes to learning these skills, they beat the men to it again. While men are busy subscribing to Newspapers, news magazines, sports and other similar luxuries, the ladies would rather engage in devouring romance novels and psychology articles or get glued to their TV set consuming some “telemundo” or “bollywood” romance movie.
So, we are usually inundated with cases of women openly expressing disgust about their men’s attitude of being ‘unromantic’.
This brings us to news making the rounds all over the globe of husbands who kill their wives on account of sexual deprivation and denial. Sex is a thing of enjoyment and pleasure for both sexes, but if in the build up to the adventure the man is such that simply works up to his partner and ask her to move over to make way for his mounting, the wife will certainly grow wary of the monotony and drudgework.
Alibis of varying intensity will dash to her rescue as she build up walls of resistance to counteract his seeming insensitivity and when the excuses peter out, it will be outright denial.
While most men will not kill their wives over refusal for sex, they certainly will lose their calm and equanimity and develop irritations over petty matters thereby resulting in squabbles that know no end. Such a home will definitely not breed well mannered offspring.
The other side of the matter is that women are not completely absolved from these rots. Though they have high emotional intelligence, but like most skills, it wanes out of disuse. If they knew any better than their men, they would have in the least, offer proper guidance to straighten things up, but they would rather complain and whine to friends and these acts change nothing.
A marriage or a relationship ought to be a collaboration with each partner bringing their own inputs to matters of mutual interest. Spouses have the collective responsibility to approach issues with open-mindedness and an undying knack for acquiring expertise in all matters pertaining to their matrimony.
That said, the usual debate of who sacrifices the most is immaterial and leads to nothing but resentment. The man bears the burden of leadership and is expected to chart a clear course for his home. In the event of degeneration, all accusing fingers are usually pointed at him. So guys, rise up 1to this challenge and lead.
Take a keen interest in consuming content on bedroom skills and general domestic capacities. This alone will guarantee that you have the minds and hearts of your women under full surveillance and consequently engender an atmosphere of delight and pleasure enveloping the entire household.
Just so you know, ladies. He isn’t a dog; He is a man, your man, Your prince in the shiny armor.
This piece was at no point thought of as an attempt to display a mastery of the matters of the heart. Far from that, but to provoke discussions from you, dear reader, and elicit responses for us all to glean a few lessons from.