By Abdulwasi’i Ilyas
Unhappy Partners and The Cheating Game
When you act and talk in ways that undermine the happiness of your partner, you open a door for romantic wolves to encroach and partake in your shrine of carnal feast. Aside from these invaders, your partner could put up a defensive wall (similar to that proposed by Donald Trump should he become America’s next president to keep transgressing immigrants at bay), to ward off your advances in the event that you had failed to titillate her viscera before planning to stage a mount.
All of that is trouble already. Killing the wolf and/or your partner who oblige the wolf lands you in more trouble. You will be more shrewd in both cases to summon your calm, take a deep breath, somewhat repeatedly inhaling and exhaling, and weighing the consequences of whatever action you take before embarking on it.
Unfortunately though, most men or women in these situations allow rashness to get the better of them, only to find themselves behind bars. Dreams shattered, lives cut short.
The Downside of Romantic Love
Do not act bemused when couples who put up a conspicuous show of affection on social media or event days or weeks earlier resort to fisticuffs, and/or one putting the other out of mortal existence. That feeling of butterflies in the stomach is at best a fleeting fantasy that does not transcend a few years in a union; may be one or two.
So, if romantic love was at best the basis of your union, that union is nothing more than a house of cards waiting to crumble under its own pressure. If you are not aware my dear friend, arranged marriages tend to extend into the future far beyond those built on romantic love. Check in with some parts of India and you will be stunned what you will discover.
I am a big advocate of love; the romantic or platonic ones. You should marry someone because you respect them, because they unsettle you in ways inexplicable; probably because of certain traits they possess that you don’t. These should precede love in the hierarchy. I wouldn’t place blame on anyone who marries for power or money in the place of love. After all, love is more ephemeral than those two.
How Igbokwe Killed Juliet’s Lover on Their Marital Bed
Mr. Igbokwe on July, the 25th, 2016, returned from a business trip to Onitsha to find Olatundun on his bed ravaging his dear wife and taking her on mountainous trips of ecstasy. Am I vacillating? he was having sex with her on their matrimonial bed very akin to portrayals we are fed in movies.
Igbokwe engaged the thief in a brawl. Sensing possible dominance, he made for a machete with which he snuffed the last breath out of his invader. Pathetic Igbokwe!. Both Igbokwe and his wife Juliet are in police custody waiting to be charged to court and trialed.
The cheating wife made some sobbing remarks befitting a woman caught in her act. That their marriage had been on the precipice with incessant fights and quarrels. That Igbokwe has been negligent of his duties.
What was more noteworthy in her statements was her claim to not know how it all happened, that she suspects she was under some form of spell. To charm you, madam Juliet, a man doesn’t need to visit sorcerers, particularly in this age and time. You hinted on his repeated attempts at making advances at you. This was at a time Igbokwe was absent in his presence and you craved those good old days while Igbokwe and You, Juliet chipped away at your remnant emotional accounts.
That created a gap which Olatundun noticed and seized the moment. make no mistake about it, his persistence in the face of Igbokwe’s unfeeling disposition, and Juliet’s disenchantment, among other things were enough spell for the late Olatundun to find his way into her hearth and by extension, her legs.
In this whole saga, everyone loses. Like I wrote in my last piece on this subject, making a marriage work in a way that records less fights and more fulfillment, is an art that requires the mastery of certain diverse sets of skills. A mastery that does not eliminate crisis but entrenches skillful management and resolution of arising conflicts.
Managing Emotions and Resolving Conflicts
Acting or speaking impulsively on all matters including marriage, breeds remorseful outcomes. Knowledge of emotional management and conflict resolution are a must-have for anyone aspiring to a rewarding and fulfilling relationship.
Juliet claimed that Igbokwe would distant himself from the house for months whenever a fight ensued between the two of them. Igbokwe by that act is acting-in his anger against his poor wife. Acting-in is as unhealthy as acting-out our anger; when we yell and groan at our partners. Both acts solve nothing and only seek to aggravate matters.
In all things management, from projects to business operations, communication is pivotal. Same applies to our marriages and emotions. It starts from your gaining mastery of your emotions. Knowing what you are feeling, why you are feeling that way, how to respond to that feeling and effectively communicating it to your partner in a way that breeds clarity and understanding, not resentment and alienation.
Igbokwe and Juliet’s predicament was not an overnight phenomenon. They allowed their union cascaded into a cesspool of avoidable fights, unnecessary arguments and moments filled with boredom and dissatisfaction.
The kind of monotony that befalls marriages and long-term relationships creeps in slowly, almost unnoticed. Gnawing away at the link that bind the union together. You will do well by guarding your relationship jealously against such a dynamic by creatively injecting novel practices into your daily affairs and by just simply being a good person.
My dear friends, people who read are generally better at most things in life than those who don’t. Make out time to study. You spend most of your time dealing with humans, it is only rational that you study the intricacies of their idiosyncrasies, if you must achieve success in your dealings with them.
Please follow and like us: